“Honey, I’m thinking about going fishing this weekend with a friend. Does that work?”
My knee-jerk reaction was “no way.” Driving accidents and boating accidents all flooded into my mind. The narrative ‘the world is not safe’ is what I grew up believing and still struggle with today. The way I like to “manage” this false narrative is to attempt to control those around me.
Why should I let him go if he’s safer right here at home?
Considering his recent workload, I knew he could benefit from a relaxing activity outdoors, but I needed him in arms reach where I could control any and every situation. I ignored what I knew could be beneficial for what felt “safe.”
He knew I wasn’t being a controlling wife out of spite. Thankfully, he perceived it was something else.
“Honey, what’s really the matter?”
That’s when I broke down.
In the back of my mind, were the statistics and news stories of women whose husbands got hurt or worse…
I told him my fears. As I confessed, I realized I wasn’t trusting God with my marriage. I wasn’t trusting that He was good. I wasn’t trusting Him with one imperative area of my life. I could surrender my time and resources, but my family, my own husband… I felt like God wasn’t going to stay to His character in that area so I wasn’t going to give it up my control.
My husband reassured me. What he said didn’t feel comforting at the time, but isn’t that how truth works? He says when he does leave this earth, it will be because God called him home. He reminded me that we can’t live in fear.
We can live in freedom, because we know our eternity lies with Him.
So I surrendered and reluctantly voiced that he should go knowing it would be good for him.
It was a small thing to surrender, but it revealed to me more areas where I need to let go and let God work. I am still learning how God “works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28) In this faith walk, we are constantly learning to let go.
What’s an area you struggle with letting go and giving it to God?